Decisions

Hi, my name is Emily and I have a problem. I’m an addicted disciple of Emily P. Freeman’s podcast, The Next Right Thing. I’ve been telling everyone about this podcast and going on ad nauseam about the great advice I received or the perspective I’ve gained. I can almost hear how annoying I sound.

So, naturally, I will talk about it here, too.

The Next Right Thing is a podcast that explores the decisions we make. Emily’s website says, “If you need help to discern your next right thing, I’m here for it. Let’s create some space for your soul to breathe and relieve your decision fatigue today.”

Ahhh, I can feel the mental clutter and overwhelm dissipate just reading that sentence.

Now, imagine listening to a ten-minute discussion of these very ideas, broken down into one specific topic per week, narrated by a soothing voice, infused with relatable humor with the meanderings of piano music in the background.

I highly recommend listening to this podcast on a solitary walk or with a cup of coffee and a notebook.

I think the reason this podcast resonates so deeply is I’m in a season of transition. I left the working world nine months ago to stay home with my two and five-year-old (now almost three and six). I am loving the time at home with them. The flexibility to enjoy a beautiful day outside (so few of them to enjoy in Minnesota) or to sneak a little nap with them have been a true joy. The pace of our lives has slowed and I’m relishing the new rhythm.

But at the same time, I’m adjusting to this new rhythm and not always gracefully. Only focusing on a clean house, cooking a healthy dinner, and admittingly, focusing only on my kids can be somewhat mind-numbing. I feel antsy to find my own voice, my own schedule and to stretch the fibers of my brain to create something meaningful.

And the possibility is beginning to present itself. My daughter started kindergarten this fall. My son will begin a preschool class in which one day a week he is at school without me. And this will leave me with two glorious hours all to myself – this is both liberating and terrifying.  

Because if I’m being honest, I’m terrified of failure. What if I start something new and fail miserably? What if I create crap? What if I never make it back into the workforce? What if I’m already just a washed-up has-been with a worthless master’s degree? What if…what if…what if.

Herein lies the problem with decision making: all the “what ifs.” Before we even make the decision, we begin to calculate all the ways this could affect our future. The truth is, deciding my “next right thing” feels completely overwhelming. Most of my career decisions until this point have been either or: either this job or that job, either work or do not. But now, with the internet and telecommuting – the options seem endless. My time, my energy and my resources are not.

And so, I feel like I’m at the grocery store staring at the cans of tomatoes: do I buy organic? Conventional? Salted? Diced? Whole? Fire-roasted? With chilies? Can? Glass? All while wondering if I even have enough money in my pocket to buy said tomatoes.

This is why I love Emily’s term “decision fatigue.” I think we can all relate to a moment when a seemingly insignificant decision becomes impossible in the face of all the choices, the doubts and other significant decisions we must make. I think this podcast really speaks to the modern dilemma of choice. We simply have too many choices.

Choices about where we will go, who we will see, what we will eat and yes, which tomatoes we will buy. We have so many choices about love and career – and many alter our lives. They set us down a path we cannot fathom how far it will take us or how many turns it will take.

No wonder we’re so often overwhelmed: we’re trying to make decisions considering all the “what ifs” while pondering the “what ifs” of decisions already made. In other words, while we’re trying to decide on the tomatoes, we’re wondering if we bought the right kind of apples last week.

Now, I’m not saying choice is an inherently bad thing. I realize that in a not-so-distant past, women had few opportunities to make the decisions I get to make every day. In other parts of the world, women would love to have the opportunity to assert their autonomy over areas of life we take for granted.

But when we have so many decisions to make every day (35,000 by some estimates), it begins to feel more like a curse than a blessing. And as we grow older, we know how seemingly simple decisions can affect our lives tremendously. The opportunities no longer seem as endless as they did when we were young: they see finite, constricted by the boundaries of decisions already made, obligations out of love and necessity. And with new decisions often come more work, more time and more obligations.

Here, Emily P Freeman’s philosophy can be so refreshing to simply think about making just one more decision. We don’t have to think about the long path ahead of us, but the simple act of metaphorically (and sometimes literally) putting one foot in front of the other. And then, we leave the rest to God. 

We might be stuck for a while at the beginning of the path, and this can be especially hard as we see others sprinting far ahead of us down the same path or a parallel path. But taking those slow steps and taking time to simply meander can provide clarity. We might see a hidden path that leads us somewhere we never thought we would go.

It’s not easy. I would argue it can be nearly impossible to silence the voices of “what if…what if…what if” when trying to make a decision. But slowing down to listen and to contemplate your choices with can clear the fog. Acknowledging the “what ifs” but not allowing them to block your path forward can allow you to take your next step forward. And I need to remember that that’s all I really need to do.